i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
