Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
