She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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