I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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