Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
