xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
