Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
