I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
