Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
