I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
