we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
