420 ftw
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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