The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
