Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
