Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is Oprah even human
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
