And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
