I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
