got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
