you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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