Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
