I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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