one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
