my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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