your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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