I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
