Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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