he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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