They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
