can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
