32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize