One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
