he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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