I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
