Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
