a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
