I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize