She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
