Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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