I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
