Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
