when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
