Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
