he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
