btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sarcasm needs its own font
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
