Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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