I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
