I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
