if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
