Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
