Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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