Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
