A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
