I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize