I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
