And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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