Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
