I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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