We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
