Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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