I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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