: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
