Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
