I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
