i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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