letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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