Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
