i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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