lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
