Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We are all done wearing pants today
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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