In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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