After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
