the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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