i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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