Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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