Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
