In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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