I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
