if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
