Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
