Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize