I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
