still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
