he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize