why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
