The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The ass gains better be worth it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
