I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
