Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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