i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
