last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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