YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
