Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
