$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize