considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
