I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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