I think I won the penis lottery.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
