i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
