I am in a vortex of obligation.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
