1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
