so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
