I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
