brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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