I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
