These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
